OK, so I’m not a faithful blogger… it’s been almost 3 years and well, I’m back to a new beginning here.  Is it because I haven’t had anything to say?  No, can’t say that that is true.  Is it because God hasn’t been doing things in my life?  THAT definately isn’t true!  I have much to tell and a wonderful God story to invite you to enjoy.  I will attempt to put things in order chronologically but I can’t promise I won’t jump ahead at times and reveal things out of sequence.  The story isn’t about me, rather it’s about the amazing things God has been doing and continues to do.  I’m just the blessed one that gets this front row seat and an occassional ‘bit part’ in the drama that is His!  Thank you God for your faithfulness and your amazing love for me!  Stay tuned:)

 

Ok, so I have to jump ahead and tell of this awesome thing that happened just the past Sunday during Worship Service:

We were singing “I stand in awe of Your love Lord.  I stand in awe of all that You are Lord”

I saw Jesus standing in front of me – arms slightly stretched out, pierced palms toward me, loving eyes looking at me.. and He sang to me:

“I stand in awe of who I created you to be, created for me”    “I created you to hear me, to see me, to serve me”     “I’m in awe of the love I have for you”

 

WOW

Back in May 2008 God showed me that He was going to ‘make changes’ in me, in my life and in my world.   At the time I at least knew enough to speculate that I had no idea what I was in for.   I have to say, I have never been more right in my life

Today, I look at my life and not much of it is familiar…. we have moved to North Carolina from Michigan; changed our church, our home, our jobs and basically our world.  While these things are all superficial and aren’t who I am, I am finding out quickly that without the familiarity of all of them I am more transparent to me.  It’s hard to hide when there are no ‘comfort’ spots available to retreat to.  It’s difficult to deny what is left over after all the ‘destractions’ have been removed. 

Sure, there are plenty of things that ‘came along’ for the move…. bills, habits, insecurities, fears and even a few pounds:)  What is amazing though is that these things are somehow more of a priority to ‘get straight’ without all the other ‘stuff’ from before.  I’m not saying that we all shouldn’t deal with our stuff no matter where we are but that God has chosen this time to do a real spring cleaning and it’s just time!  I get the impression that it’s not an option if I want to be used in the way He wants to use me.

Jeremiah 29:11 says: 11For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

What a great verse to stand on, I know, I have stood on it for years.  Selfishly stood on it as a promise all about me, a comfort for when I was sure God wanted to judge me and a ‘bandaid’ for challenges in my life.  I know God loves me and His plans are good and I just need to trust that His plans are better than mine.  I know this.   Somehow though over the past months it hasn’t been enough.  It hasn’t been enough because I want more for Him, I want Him to benefit, I want it to be about Him…. even if I can’t see a future in the plans for me.  I guess I’m getting tired of it being about me.

In June (only a couple weeks after God showed us that we would be uprooting our lives and moving) God took me to Jeremiah 29:11 again.  I read it and stopped.   He nudged me with that still small voice and said to read further, that I was ready to see why He had me standing on the 11th verse for so many years. 

Jeremiah 29:12-14 says: 12Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.13You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.14I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.[2] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

What a precious and Holy Father we have.  Just like Him to do for me first so that I could learn to find Him in the way that He wants to be found.  1 John 4:10 says “we love because He first loved us”.  Always our example, always first to show us how to be.

“I will be found by you”……………. WOW

That small phrase has been ‘settling’ in my spirit for months now.  All of this moving and changing and decisions about what is to be left behind.  The pain of leaving friends and family, the uncertainty of a new community, meeting new church family, trusting God for even the smallest of things, adjusting to new living arrangements and even how ‘inconvenient’ most things are now to accomplish as we are so far from anything…… all worth it!  All worth it because God doesn’t lie, He is being found by me and I am being freed from so many things that have held me captive for so long.

“I will be found by you”……………..Amazing

Just when I thought I had started to figured out who God is; here He is showing me that He wants to be the one to show me:)  He wants to be the One who reveals Himself.  He wants to be the One who steps out in front of me and is found by me.  Not the God who I have heard preachers talk about or authors have written about, but my God who wants to put me on His lap and ‘breathe’ who He is into me Himself.  I am awed.

“For I know the plans I have for you, plans for hope and a future”  Jeremiah 29:11                                  

Over the past year, God has been teaching me the importance of having an eternal perspective.  That He has a plan for me, HIS plan for me, not my plan for me; and that His plan has an eternal destination.  It’s not about me, it’s not about this world or circumstances while I am here.  I’m getting it, in doses I can handle through Him.  It’s an awesome thing to ‘live’ with our focus on the eternal and see the things that we busy ourselves with in the proper perspective.  Not that I am claiming that I am even mildly mediocre at this, but every day my eyes have better focus.  God is a good eye doctor.

When I think of the things He has planned I am in awe of how much He must love me to care so much about my future.  I only need to reflect on the many blessings He has bestowed on me in my life to catch but a glimpse of what He has for me yet.  I am in total amazement of the people He has put in my life -you know who you are – to encourage me, love me and pray for me.  Thank you God, and thank you my special blessings.  I can’t wait to see how His plans for all of us play out, and I can’t wait to be your neighbors in Heaven. 
Whoooooooooooooo hooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! 

I don’t want to be her…….

Lord, I don’t want to be her…. the her that thinks of herself before others, the her that accepts a ready excuse not to make that extra effort at the end of a long day.  I don’t want to be her….. the her that spends more time on feelings than on seeking you, the her that gives into self pity and doubt instead of hope.  I don’t want to be her…. the her that sees others like they see themselves instead of how you see them, the her that sees herself through past experience instead of through your eyes.  I don’t want to be her…. the her that is afraid, the her that is readily paralyzed by daily circumstances.  I don’t want to be her….the her that wants to hide instead of facing the world, the her that crumbles at the hint of a life challenge.

Lord, I want to be all that you have for me.  I want to be her…. the her that always thinks of others first, the her that shoots down hinderances that come up to keep her away from being there for those who are hurting.  I want to be her… the her that is your precious child, the her that puts a sparkle in your eye.  I want to be her… the mighty woman of God always willing to drop anything when you say go, the her who draws on your energy to make it through the day with enough drive to face anything.  I want to be her….the her that knows no fear because fear isn’t from you, the her that sees challenges with excitement and anticipation.  I want to be her… the her who runs to face the world, the her that makes cake from crumbs.

Lord, I want to be the her you meant for me to be.  Use me, mold me, show me how to love more like you.  Thank you for this journey with you.

Changes… they are good for us.  Even if the change itself isn’t better than what was before the change, the process is good, it helps develop character.  The kind of character if helps develop is of course, up to us.  Good or bad, in the end God will use it for His glory and purposes.

What are we thinking when we ask God to change us? Do we really mean it?  If we had a clue what the price was going to be, would we still ask?  Would we still want the changes, good or bad?  Are we willing for the changes to be of His design or do we insist that He bend His will to do as we please?  To do things His way, we have to die to self.  To do things our way, eventually we become dissatisfied and have to pay the price of discontent.  Yes, there is always a price, change takes effort, is often painful and is never as easy as we would like it to be.

God is changing me… I struggle to hold onto the good parts of me (by my definition of course) while He longs to take all of me.  Will I be able to let Him mold me in the way He wants to mold me?  Will I be able to let go and let Him use me in any way He desires?  I say that is what I want, but my mind reasons that I may just have some good ideas to share with Him that might help in this process.  I don’t even know HOW to let go in the way I suspect He is calling me…. I don’t have the experience or resources in my repetoire to begin to fathom how to do this thing I suspect He is asking of me.  And yet, it is what I long for with all of me…

Glimpses… He’s given me glimpses of what is in store for my life.  I should be afraid.  I should be concerned or trying to figure out how He could possibly take me from here to there.. and I don’t even know the whole picture yet.  However, I’m not concerned and I’m not afraid.  I’m excited!  And yet, I’m not really sure HOW to be as excited as I feel. 

God, show me HOW to live this life You are calling me to.  Show me HOW to truly let You live through me on this path.  Show me HOW to let go of me and be excited in You and your plans.  Show me HOW to give You all of me.